A couple more: "Ich bin ein Free Stater :P " "If you can't beat 'em, bend over :shock: " "Speak Softly, and put your Big Stick beyond use :cry: "

How many senior provos does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Its their job to keep the membership in the dark.

How many Provos does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They hold a special Ard Fheis and vote to accept darkness.

A crocodile is sleeping with his wife. Suddenly he wakes up and shouts, "This places an enormous responsibility on the British and Irish governments!" He falls asleep, but after a while he is again awoke and shouts, "places a huge responsibility on the leadership of the DUP to re-engage!" Then he sleeps a little more, opens his eyes and screams, "courageous and unprecedented step!" The crocodile's wife shakes him and says, "How many times did I warn you not to eat Provo Spokespersons for supper?"

Martin: What's the definition of an exchange of opinions with the British government? Gerry: Walking into Tony Blair's office with your opinion and walking out with his.

An Iraqi delegation visiting Stormont Castle to observe the peace process in Ireland wondered how can it be that the Irish voluntarily accepted British rule in their country. The British official said, "That's right. In our colonies everything is done strictly on a voluntary basis. Even our Irish dogs lick pepper voluntarily." "You must be joking!' the Iraqis said. "We would like to see a dog licking pepper." "No problem," the British official said. A dog was brought in, a Castle civil servant took pepper and rubbed it in under the dog's tail. The dog whined and started feverishly licking under his tail. "Do you see?" the British official said. "It's really very simple. Our Irish subjects vote for British rule the same way."

A PSF county councillor was delighted to hear that Gerry Adams was to pass through the area and intended to visit him in his house. He started thinking very hard about what he could do to impress Adams, as he hoped to be chosen as a candidate in the next general election. So he asked his children if they had something that they would like to tell the PSF President. His youngest daughter answered: “Well, I would like to say this to Gerry Adams: my cat has just had a litter of five kittens and they are all good Provisionals”. The councillor was delighted to have such a clever young daughter and some days afterwards, when Adams came, he hastened to introduce her to him. So the little girl came up and said aloud: “President Adams, my cat had a litter of five kittens and they are all good Republican Sinn Féiners”. Adams turned red and stormed out of the house. The councillor, devastated, asked the girl: “Why in the world did you say that? Didn’t you say last time that the kittens were all good Provisionals?” The little girl answered: “Yes, but by now they have opened their eyes”.

In a madhouse there was a PSF spokesperson highly praising the Stormont Assembly. When he finished everyone applauded except for one man standing off to one side. 'And why aren't you clapping?' asked the spokesperson. 'I'm not a lunatic, I'm the hospital attendant!'

Gerry Adams is giving a speech during an Ard Chomhairle meeting: A chairde, in 1998 we were standing on an edge of deep abyss. Since then, we've taken a significant step forward..."

Martin McGuinness is talking on the phone to Ian Paisley: "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, no, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes, Goodbye." My god," said McGuinness's assistant, "How did you have the nerve to tell him no." It was no problem," said Marty, "he was just asking if my neck didn't hurt from constant nodding."

A man is devoured by the Queen of England, and, walking around in the Queen's stomach, he meets Gerry Adams. "Mr. Adams," he says, "Were you devoured too?" No," says Adams, "I came in the other way."

Flags are flown at half mast in Stormont Castle. A former PIRA prisoner, now a street-sweeper, enters the lobby and asks if he can apply for the job of the deceased member. "What? He was the Deputy First Minister of the Northern Ireland Assembly!" says the porter incredulously, "Are you mad?" "I'm sorry," replies the applicant, "I didn't know that was a condition for the job."