A man went in for a brain transplant operation in Belfast and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon: This was the brain of Martin McGuinness and it costs £100,000, and this was the brain of the tea lady in Stormont Castle and it cost £1,000. "Does that mean that Martin's brain is much better than the tea lady's?" exclaimed the puzzled patient. "Well no" replied the surgeon, "the tea lady's is used."

:lol:

Gerry Adams gets an urgent call from the PSF office on the Falls Road: "A group of foreign journalists just arrived here. You didnt warn me in advance. There was no time to prepare, so they can see everything, the hoods, the joyriders, the sectarian police, the ruined buildings and all our misery and poverty." "Don't worry," Gerry says. "But now they will tell it all over the world, it wont be just Squinter." "So," shrugs Gerry, "let them indulge in their usual slander."

An emergency meeting is held in the offices of An Phoblacht in Parnell Square. The editor rose and said: "When Brian Cowen visited Stormont Castle yesterday, he and Martin McGuinness ran around the castle in a race. Cowen came first. How should we report that?" Finally, it was decided that the report should run as follows: "In an historic All Island running competition the Deputy First Minister of the Northern Ireland Assembly took the honorable second place. Mister Cowen came in one before last.”

A man parks his car in front of Government Buildings in Upper Merrion Street. Straight away, a big ugly Branchman rushes up to him, shouting, "Are you crazy? You're parked right in front of the Taoiseach's office!" "No problem," answers the man , "I've good locks on my car."

Two old men, Sean and Jimmy, meet on a street in Belfast and end up talking about their sons' jobs... Sean: "Where does your son work?" Jimmy: "He's a MLA in Stormont Castle, how about your son?" Sean: "Ah, he doesn't work either"

On a dark Dublin Street a guy wearing a scarf over his face and holding a knife jumps into the path of a well-dressed man: "Give me your money!" he demands. Indignant, the affluent man replies, "You can't do this - I'm the Minister for Finance!" "In that case - give me MY money!"

A bus load of Stormont MLAs were driving down a country road when all of a sudden the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field. The old farmer after seeing what happened went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few hours later, the local Crown Constables came out, saw the crashed bus, and then asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?" The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie."

A few Bumper Sticker ideas: Bertie: The End of an Error That's OK, I Wasn't Using My Civil Liberties Anyway Ireland: One Nation, Under Surveillance What part of "Bertie Lied" don't you understand?

It is understood that Fianna Fail are considering changing their emblem from a harp to a condom because a condom stands for inflation, halts production, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives a sense of security while screwing others.

In a British prison: 'How long did you get? 'Thirty six days.' 'For what?' 'For nothing.' 'You're lying! For nothing they give forty two.'

A diplomatic answer: I don't know how old you are, but you don't look it.

Excellent youtube vid: Cowen's Lisbon Downfall: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADbTCSuNSms&e

Three medical consultants at a conference boasting of the medical skills of their respective countries. French Doc: We can take the heart out of one guy, put it in another and he'll be up and looking for a job in two months. German Doc: That's nothing. We can take the heart and lungs out of one guy, put it in another and he'll be up and looking for a job in three months. Irish Doc: Pah! We can take an arsehole out of Offaly, put it in Leinster House, and the whole country'll be looking for a job in four months.

Why Im voting Republican: http://ie.youtube.com/watch?v=CqczNpLg9b8